2008 Woodie Awards
Fenno
Issue date: 10/4/01 Section: Etc.
- Page 1 of 1
The sound of the helicopter's blades whirring made it tough for Fenno to hear what was being said to him. Outside of the window he could see a miniature Cambridge down below. As the helicopter passed over the law school, Fenno thought that he could actually make out the sight of Sasha Volokh on the roof of Austin with a rifle, but he couldn't be sure.
"ARE YOU LISTENING TO ME, FENNO?!" yelled Dean Clark. Fenno shook his head yes. The chopper was now passing over the river.
"We're almost there!" said Clark, pointing to a large empty field beneath them. He was smiling wildly and looking intensely out of the window. Fenno couldn't quite put his finger on why, but something in Clark's excitement was reminiscent of the billionaire grandfather in Jurassic Park.
The chopper touched down and Fenno stepped out. Clark hopped, out behind him. He was still grinning. Clark outstretched his arms and took a deep breath, holding it in and savoring the air.
"Isn't it beautiful, Fenno?" said Clark.
"Isn't what beautiful?" Fenno looked around and saw nothing but empty space.
"The future, Fenno! The future!" said Clark. He pointed to one side of the field, and laughed. "That's where we're going to stick Langdell. And over there ..."
The words were drowned out by a deafening ringing in Fenno's ears. In front of him, Clark and the rest of what he could see became blurry and dark. He closed his eyes, and let out a shriek from the pain the sound was causing.
When he opened his eyes, he was no longer in the field. He was dressed in a tuxedo, and around him people were cleansing their palettes with sorbet. The room was luxurious. Fenno was sitting on a couch that felt like leather, but so much richer. He rubbed his hand on it.
"It almost feels sinful to the touch, eh Fenno?" said Davis Wang. Fenno nodded.
"I've never felt leather this rich," said Fenno. Wang laughed.
"That's because this is the first time your guileless buttocks has been planted upon the refinery of baby seal, Fenno." Fenno hopped up, and moved across the room. He heard the distinctively annoying sound of a fork clinking a glass. At the center of the room, Crystal McKellar was holding a microphone. The room quieted down.
"Members of the HVVLR, I would like to thank you for your attendance tonight. They said 'it couldn't be done.' They said, 'it shouldn't be done.' Its too bad that 'they' won't be around to see that 'they' were wrong, thanks to our friends at the Harvard Killing Society. Cheers to Sasha!" Volokh, Jeremy Fielding and a few other tuxedoed men raised their arms and gave a humble thank-you wave to the room's applause. McKellar cleared her throat.
"Truly, the merger of the Law Review and Vino Veritas has benefited us all. God knows you need a drink to subcite half of this crap, and of course, what's the point of knowing the Bluebook if you still don't know your Boones from your Bordeaux!" said McKellar. The room exploded in laugher. Fenno didn't know what was funny.
"But tonight isn't about wine, it's about celebrating a beautiful, successful merger, and we're going to have a great meal to celebrate. We might also want to take the opportunity to note really quickly that Kevin was crazy for picking Winnie over me even if she is my sister. That said, on to dinner! Fenno?" McKellar looked towards Fenno and the whole room was staring at him. Clearly, he was expected to do something, but he wasn't sure what. Charles Fried nudged him and pointed towards the front of the room. He had a nametag on that said "Dean Fried." Something wicked was afoot.
"Fenno, come up and do us the honor of unveiling the main course!" said McKellar. The room was silent. Fenno moved towards McKellar and could see that a huge, covered serving dish was in the middle of room. As he approached it he could feel the anticipation building up in the room. All eyes were on Fenno. He lifted the lid off of the platter.
"For the love of God!" Fenno screamed. Everyone was clapping around him. He was staring at the baked head of Prof. Jon Hanson. He looked around and for the first time noticed that the room wasn't just filled with HVVLR students and advisors. A number of tuxedoed apparitions filled the room as well. The ghosts of Learned Hand and Roger Taney were giving each other a high five. He ran out of the room and into the cold of the night. In front of him he saw Langdell. He turned to look back the building he had just escaped, trying to suppress thoughts of Lot. In front of him he saw a perfect replica of the Kremlin, only made of solid gold. Etched into the stone above the door were the words "New Harkness Commons."
Fenno closed his eyes and let out a shriek. He heard the burning ringing in his ears again and the sound of the applause began to fade away. After a moment, all sound subsided, and he could hear Clark's voice again.
"And over there is where we'll build the new office for Harvard Law Today, of which I plan to appoint you the editor," said Clark. Fenno opened his eyes. He felt crazed. Where was he?
"Me? Editor? Harvard Law Today? Why?"
"Well ... you're very skilled at misinformation. That's the point, no?" said Clark. He began laughing. Fenno grabbed Clark's shoulders and shook him. He felt mahogany.
"This land! What was here before? Don't lie to me!" screamed Fenno. Clark looked afraid.
"Well, a graveyard, Fenno, but we moved all of the graves."
"Moved the graves!?"
"Yes. Its perfectly normal. We did it with phase two."
"Who was buried here, Clark?" screamed Fenno.
"Well, actually the family of Isaac Royale has maintained a fund for many years to bury judges and scholars here that fit his ... legal philosophy. There all resting in peace back in Cambridge now. We thought we could put this Allston property to better use."
Fenno let go of Clark. He sat on the ground and began to weep. He placed his face in his hands.
"You only moved the headstones," said Fenno. "You only moved the headstones ..."
"ARE YOU LISTENING TO ME, FENNO?!" yelled Dean Clark. Fenno shook his head yes. The chopper was now passing over the river.
"We're almost there!" said Clark, pointing to a large empty field beneath them. He was smiling wildly and looking intensely out of the window. Fenno couldn't quite put his finger on why, but something in Clark's excitement was reminiscent of the billionaire grandfather in Jurassic Park.
The chopper touched down and Fenno stepped out. Clark hopped, out behind him. He was still grinning. Clark outstretched his arms and took a deep breath, holding it in and savoring the air.
"Isn't it beautiful, Fenno?" said Clark.
"Isn't what beautiful?" Fenno looked around and saw nothing but empty space.
"The future, Fenno! The future!" said Clark. He pointed to one side of the field, and laughed. "That's where we're going to stick Langdell. And over there ..."
The words were drowned out by a deafening ringing in Fenno's ears. In front of him, Clark and the rest of what he could see became blurry and dark. He closed his eyes, and let out a shriek from the pain the sound was causing.
When he opened his eyes, he was no longer in the field. He was dressed in a tuxedo, and around him people were cleansing their palettes with sorbet. The room was luxurious. Fenno was sitting on a couch that felt like leather, but so much richer. He rubbed his hand on it.
"It almost feels sinful to the touch, eh Fenno?" said Davis Wang. Fenno nodded.
"I've never felt leather this rich," said Fenno. Wang laughed.
"That's because this is the first time your guileless buttocks has been planted upon the refinery of baby seal, Fenno." Fenno hopped up, and moved across the room. He heard the distinctively annoying sound of a fork clinking a glass. At the center of the room, Crystal McKellar was holding a microphone. The room quieted down.
"Members of the HVVLR, I would like to thank you for your attendance tonight. They said 'it couldn't be done.' They said, 'it shouldn't be done.' Its too bad that 'they' won't be around to see that 'they' were wrong, thanks to our friends at the Harvard Killing Society. Cheers to Sasha!" Volokh, Jeremy Fielding and a few other tuxedoed men raised their arms and gave a humble thank-you wave to the room's applause. McKellar cleared her throat.
"Truly, the merger of the Law Review and Vino Veritas has benefited us all. God knows you need a drink to subcite half of this crap, and of course, what's the point of knowing the Bluebook if you still don't know your Boones from your Bordeaux!" said McKellar. The room exploded in laugher. Fenno didn't know what was funny.
"But tonight isn't about wine, it's about celebrating a beautiful, successful merger, and we're going to have a great meal to celebrate. We might also want to take the opportunity to note really quickly that Kevin was crazy for picking Winnie over me even if she is my sister. That said, on to dinner! Fenno?" McKellar looked towards Fenno and the whole room was staring at him. Clearly, he was expected to do something, but he wasn't sure what. Charles Fried nudged him and pointed towards the front of the room. He had a nametag on that said "Dean Fried." Something wicked was afoot.
"Fenno, come up and do us the honor of unveiling the main course!" said McKellar. The room was silent. Fenno moved towards McKellar and could see that a huge, covered serving dish was in the middle of room. As he approached it he could feel the anticipation building up in the room. All eyes were on Fenno. He lifted the lid off of the platter.
"For the love of God!" Fenno screamed. Everyone was clapping around him. He was staring at the baked head of Prof. Jon Hanson. He looked around and for the first time noticed that the room wasn't just filled with HVVLR students and advisors. A number of tuxedoed apparitions filled the room as well. The ghosts of Learned Hand and Roger Taney were giving each other a high five. He ran out of the room and into the cold of the night. In front of him he saw Langdell. He turned to look back the building he had just escaped, trying to suppress thoughts of Lot. In front of him he saw a perfect replica of the Kremlin, only made of solid gold. Etched into the stone above the door were the words "New Harkness Commons."
Fenno closed his eyes and let out a shriek. He heard the burning ringing in his ears again and the sound of the applause began to fade away. After a moment, all sound subsided, and he could hear Clark's voice again.
"And over there is where we'll build the new office for Harvard Law Today, of which I plan to appoint you the editor," said Clark. Fenno opened his eyes. He felt crazed. Where was he?
"Me? Editor? Harvard Law Today? Why?"
"Well ... you're very skilled at misinformation. That's the point, no?" said Clark. He began laughing. Fenno grabbed Clark's shoulders and shook him. He felt mahogany.
"This land! What was here before? Don't lie to me!" screamed Fenno. Clark looked afraid.
"Well, a graveyard, Fenno, but we moved all of the graves."
"Moved the graves!?"
"Yes. Its perfectly normal. We did it with phase two."
"Who was buried here, Clark?" screamed Fenno.
"Well, actually the family of Isaac Royale has maintained a fund for many years to bury judges and scholars here that fit his ... legal philosophy. There all resting in peace back in Cambridge now. We thought we could put this Allston property to better use."
Fenno let go of Clark. He sat on the ground and began to weep. He placed his face in his hands.
"You only moved the headstones," said Fenno. "You only moved the headstones ..."